Kazy, I just fully read your story.
I'm seriously worried you and others may be getting taken advantage of. Look, I could be totally wrong, but what you are describing is intense for a new car.
My very first question to them, without letting them google the answer, is - 'Did you try the software reset? What steps did you take to perform that reset?" Do not let them take a chance to look it up, they need to answer you squarely in the eye.
In fact, I'd frame the question a little like, "Did the reset take 5 presses, or 6 presses before the lights blinked?"
If they answer - "That's not part of the process .. " - well then maybe they do know what they are doing.
But if they answer 5, or 6, then you know they are spinning a yarn. Maybe not deliberately, it maybe inexperience, but, well, you know what I'm trying to say.
I'm astounded at the lengths you are being taken to here. For a simple software reset. Please let me know the outcome, you may have a case of negligence going on, so choose your words and documentation carefully.